Parent-teacher Evening Gifts

'Welcome to Parent Teachers Night. Now sit up straight and be quiet or there'll be a detention or two!'

"In economics, I got an IOU."

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Common Core Family Therapy

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"He has the tweeting skills of a man twice his age."

'Every child is an artist but it appears your Candice is a plumber.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"I'm sorry, but your child just isn't very sharp. But don't worry. It's perfectly natural."

"I don't need your help with my homework. Actually, I was a little disappointed with your work last time."

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"In fact, the work's been so good that we question whether it's Will's own."

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

"I'm sorry-his I.Q. is actually on the charts."

'I called you in to talk to you about your son not being able to sit still.'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

'Mom, Dad, this is Jennifer. We met early one morning and fell in love.'

PTA Meeting Tonight: Parents,Teachers,Attorneys

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'The ‘class clown' thing is my fault. I totally misjudged the crowd.'

We're waiting to see if he'll see his shadow.

Obama in schools.

"He's at grade level for everything except cursing. He's swearing at a 9th grade level."