Parent-teacher Night Gifts

'Well, if my son does have a belligerent attitude, then he must have picked it up here at school.'

'Let's just say that he could grow up to be Vice-President.'

"It'll be quicker if we split up our kids' teachers between us. I'll see the ones for Andrea..."

"I find parent-teacher nights exhausting: I have kids in pretty much every class..."

"In economics, I got an IOU."

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Common Core Family Therapy

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"He has the tweeting skills of a man twice his age."

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

'Every child is an artist but it appears your Candice is a plumber.'

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"I'm sorry, but your child just isn't very sharp. But don't worry. It's perfectly natural."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

"I don't need your help with my homework. Actually, I was a little disappointed with your work last time."

"In fact, the work's been so good that we question whether it's Will's own."

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

"I'm sorry-his I.Q. is actually on the charts."

'I called you in to talk to you about your son not being able to sit still.'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

PTA Meeting Tonight: Parents,Teachers,Attorneys

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'The ‘class clown' thing is my fault. I totally misjudged the crowd.'

Obama in schools.