Parent-teacher Night Humorist Gifts

"Your son is quite the little bookworm."

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

The inventor of the Slip 'n Slide becomes a father.

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

We put our child's art on the fridge - Unfortunately, she's a sculptor.

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

Baby eating "Uploading", Baby on toilet "Downloading"

'He's lookin' at me!'

'Congratulations! It's one of the beautiful people!'

'Junior is just a little confused.'

'Help Doctor!! My baby swallowed a pencil!'

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

"Doctor, should I have a baby after 38?"

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'