Meet-the-parents Humorist Gifts

'Mom, Dad. . . this is Tiffany. She does scream-overs for ***** movies.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"Have you seen my dad?"

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight