Celebrating Parents Gifts

'Happy 'Respect Your Parents Day' now take your card and shut up.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

'Baby's first two-step.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"He looks just like your husband."

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

'He said his first words today - 'Let's sue them'.'

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

I am to blame.

'I'm so proud: My son can't sit still...'

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

Quiet Time

Doc's Kid.

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

'Mom never pops a wheelie.'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

Halloween Mobile

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"Well, Timmy's academic results show that he has an exceptional instinct, well above the standard "basic instinct"..."

'Go forth and multiply!'

"What are we doing for Cinco de Mayo this year?"

"All parents fight."

Switchback Playground.