Parent's Day Gifts

The Big Book of Parent-Child Fights

'Can you give him something for my nerves?'

"All parents fight."

'Violence No.'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'Kevin! You should have more sense than to bring your father a good report card.'

'I'm experiencing parental difficulties, please stand by.'

"Well, Timmy's academic results show that he has an exceptional instinct, well above the standard "basic instinct"..."

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

Bitchbark Canoe

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"How can you be out of wings?"

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

City Zoo: Day Care

"Ahhh... close enough."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Playing Fetch.

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Killer Executive Suits.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

The Busy Gardener

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Domestic Superheroes!!

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."