Parent's Day Gifts

The Big Book of Parent-Child Fights

'Can you give him something for my nerves?'

"All parents fight."

'Violence No.'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'Kevin! You should have more sense than to bring your father a good report card.'

'I'm experiencing parental difficulties, please stand by.'

"Well, Timmy's academic results show that he has an exceptional instinct, well above the standard "basic instinct"..."

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

Bitchbark Canoe

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"How can you be out of wings?"

City Zoo: Day Care

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Playing Fetch.

"Ahhh... close enough."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Killer Executive Suits.

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Louis Armstrong

The Busy Gardener

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

James Bond in a Snow Globe