Family Nights Pillows

Repercussions of Janet Jackson's boob.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Christmas Tree

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Barbecued dessert, anyone? The coals are PERFECT now!

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

celebrating a birth.

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Newton had actually discovered gravity at a family dinner in his early childhood.

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

Children's Party

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

Paul goes home for the holidays

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)