Family Nights Pillows

Repercussions of Janet Jackson's boob.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

No caption (A young bald eagle plays a claw game full of fish as his parent stands behind him).

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Christmas Tree

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

Barbecued dessert, anyone? The coals are PERFECT now!

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Karataoke

celebrating a birth.

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

Newton had actually discovered gravity at a family dinner in his early childhood.

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

Paul goes home for the holidays

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

Children's Party

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'