Parenting Sage Gifts

Training Heels

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

Diplomacy - Junior grade: 'I'll never be Albert Einstein, Dad, but I'll always be your friend.'

"I'm looking for a book on how to raise kids easily, but I can't seem to find it anywhere..."

"Motherhood is wearing me out!"

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Mothers Day is coming up. What shouldn't we do to make sure mom enjoys it?"

"I hate 2:00 am feedings."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Mom probably wouldn't buy us one, but you have to learn to make your own choices, Dad."

Next gen pregnancy tests.

Men explained.

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'I still have all my own teeth.'

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

"Jeez, Alice, at least Google him first."

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

'It appears to be a blog clog.'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?

"It's from the We Experience Parenthood More Fully Than You collection."

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

"I'm turned off by the womanizing."

'The new teacher in our school is single and cute but he has commitment issues. He's changed his Internet service provider six times.'

"If you don't want to know the score..."