Marriage Sage Gifts

'He wants a divorce, but I want to fight it out!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

One way only.

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"I hate 2:00 am feedings."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

'I still have all my own teeth.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

Development of disgusting new flaws. Loving acceptance of your flaws.

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"I'm looking for a book on how to raise kids easily, but I can't seem to find it anywhere..."

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

'This is my wife, Viola, who I've been happily married to for twenty five years.'

"It's nice of you to say so, Ben, but somehow the idea of 'Shakespeare in the Park' doesn't really appeal to me."

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

Distilleries Association

'How many potatoes to make a bottle of vodka?.'

'The new teacher in our school is single and cute but he has commitment issues. He's changed his Internet service provider six times.'

Liv Ullmann

"I'm turned off by the womanizing."

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush