Relationship Sage Gifts

"I bumped into a new girlfriend last night."

"I'm turned off by the womanizing."

"Larry and I invited you here tonight to take our focus off each other."

"I know what you're facing. My Ted was previously owned, too."

"Your friend Andy thinks I'm sexy."

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"He was my warmup husband."

'I married Miss Right... I just didn't know her first name was Always!'

'The new teacher in our school is single and cute but he has commitment issues. He's changed his Internet service provider six times.'

'I was dating a weatherman, but he had this annoying habit of always talking up a storm.'

The man of the hour is the guy whose wife asked him to wait a minute.

"Your lawyer knows how lonely I feel without you, so he's moved in with me."

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Life is for the birds.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"