Modern Love Sage Gifts

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'I still have all my own teeth.'

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Friday night was always sext night.

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

Modern Charm

Development of disgusting new flaws. Loving acceptance of your flaws.

"Jeez, Alice, at least Google him first."

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

'This is my wife, Viola, who I've been happily married to for twenty five years.'

'I usually don't do online dating.'

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'The new teacher in our school is single and cute but he has commitment issues. He's changed his Internet service provider six times.'

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"I'm turned off by the womanizing."

"He must be really serious to send you something a permanent as an email."

It's been a long time, Rudy. Sixteen months, two weeks, four days, sixteen hours, seven minutes. You're kidding me. There's an iPhone app. It tracks the crucial experiences in my life. I'm kidding you. Did you just make a joke at the expense of yourself and your device? I'm impressed. Sorry device. I'll make it up to you, darling.

"I remember when these two matched on Hinge, casually retweeted quips on Tweitter, lost each other for a bit, slid into Instagram DMs...and here we are at regular texting and marriage."

5-hour relationship drug.