Parenting Sage Mugs

Training Heels

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"I'm looking for a book on how to raise kids easily, but I can't seem to find it anywhere..."

"Motherhood is wearing me out!"

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Mothers Day is coming up. What shouldn't we do to make sure mom enjoys it?"

"I hate 2:00 am feedings."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Mom probably wouldn't buy us one, but you have to learn to make your own choices, Dad."

Next gen pregnancy tests.

Men explained.

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'I still have all my own teeth.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?

"It's from the We Experience Parenthood More Fully Than You collection."

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'It appears to be a blog clog.'

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

'The new teacher in our school is single and cute but he has commitment issues. He's changed his Internet service provider six times.'

"I'm turned off by the womanizing."

Jesus Saves

"If you don't want to know the score..."

'That mantra you gave me is politically incorrect!'