Parenting Newbie Gifts

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

"He's either got swamp fever, beri-beri or he's teething."

"He looks like a Norman to me."

Parental guidance suggested but no longer expected.

'Congradulations, daddy! Daddy! Daddy!'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'What's play?'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

We tried rocking her to sleep, but she still seems tired and cranky.

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

"And that little pinpoint of light? That’s our new baby."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"Do you want to talk about it?"

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

Batman's Baby

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'No creamed peas for me today!'

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

"We've doubled our staff in the last six months." (Smith and Smith - baby in playpen behind desk).

Mom dwarves.

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...