Parenthood Novice Gifts

"Mom says he's a bouncing baby boy. . . wanna try it?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"She's been so creative lately."

A midwife holding a baby

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Rocking horse

Knight feeding his kids.

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"When did she start crawling?"

A woman with a dog and a baby on a leash

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

Ask me about my litter! !

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.