Parenting Novices Gifts

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

Domestic Superheroes!!

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

The cell phone soother for life.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Interior design trends for parents....

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Feel free to take notes."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'The child is very illogical'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'