Parenting Novices Pillows

We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion. Oh no. I've spent the last 72 hours analyzing our customer base. Our granola and kale latte helped us capture the hipster demo once we bundled it with cigarettes and vinyl records. Our caffeine-infused mocha helped us capture the white-collar set once we bundled it with motivational recordings. But there's one demographic we still haven't monopolized. First-time parents of toddlers. How proficient are you at potty training? I q

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

Domestic Superheroes!!

"His first out-of-body experience."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

The cell phone soother for life.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Interior design trends for parents....

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Feel free to take notes."

'The child is very illogical'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.