Novice Dad Pillows

'Where's the steering wheel on this damn thing?'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Doughboy Dad

"That's mine!"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Which one's mine?"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Which one's yours?"

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

"It's a dependent!"

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

'Which one's yours?'

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

Overprotective Father

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

The (literal) birth of Venus.

New dad.

"I've decided not tot become a father until later on in my fatherhood."