Fatherhood Novices Pillows

Maternity doctor with a plunger

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"WHich one is mine?"

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"I miss the Augean stables."

"That's mine!"

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

Dad Trophies

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

A baby playing on a grand piano

Food deliverer's baby.

Growth Charts

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

My daddy ate my homework

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

Roger Buffle Jr. supplies his father with yet another computer password.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'