Parenting Rookie Pillows

"I would use less pressure when massaging the baby's abdomen."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'What's play?'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

'No creamed peas for me today!'

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

"We've doubled our staff in the last six months." (Smith and Smith - baby in playpen behind desk).

"Once I have the motor skills, I'll be knee deep in pudding every. Damn. Day."

'Yipee! A cockroach!'

"Support the head."

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!

Constructing your own prison!

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'The kid was right! There WAS a monster under his bed!'

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

The relay race

"Triple whammy."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies

'Will I be able to have a night light if we switch to solar power?'

'Sorry, Holly!'

"Just wait until your nanny gets here."

'You're grounded... not you, the drone.'

Add your kids' ages together...

"Mom usually chews it up for us."

I'm fed up with cleaning your room! From now on, wipe your feet!