Parenting Miracle-watcher Gifts

Miracle Mom #5,293

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

Bird Torture.

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

I love my family!

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

Reverse Ageing Laboratory

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

Lemming mothers

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

The relay race

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

"More aphorisms, please!"

Oops.

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

"The idea is to stick art on the refrigerator, not carve it in."

'That's enough Rusty.'

The Motherhood

"I couldn't find a sitter."

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."