Parenting Laughter Seeker Pillows

"Mommy and daddy will come back when you two learn how to share."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Use your inside scream."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

Mom dwarves.

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

A Mom's Purse

Young Godzilla.

"I'd like a note excusing me from my wife's childbirth!"

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

Wild Child

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"Do you have any hopeless little drongos?"

"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."

'You don't have to look after them much at this age - they don't remember anything.'

'You can stop looking-I just remembered I didn't wear my retainer today. Funny, huh?'

'This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath !'

"Funny how we never seem to run out of vegetables."

'I'd like to come over, but Mom cleaned my room and it's going to take me all day to put it right again.'

"At high noon I'm takin' her to the zoo. How's one-thirty?"

'My dad cut it. My mother repaired it. Now, I'm looking for some professional maintainance.'