Parenting Gurus Gifts

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"Mummy why are your hands so soft?"

"Look, dear! This isn't childish nonsense - Junior's written his first password!"

Now, my son, visualize yourself removing your diaper and sitting on the potty

He's crying again. Should he see a therapist?

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'What's play?'

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"Is there a vegan option?"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Migration? I love chasing the endless summer, but travelling such distances with kids is exhausting..."

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Playing Mozart to the baby.

"Ah...here they are!"

'Mind how you cross the ocean.'

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."