Parenting Dilettante Gifts

"Raise what bar?"

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'House wine?'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

Too Skinny, Too Fat

Macho Vegetarian

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

"I hate this smart refrigerator."

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"