Parenting Dilettante T-Shirts

"Raise what bar?"

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'House wine?'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Too Skinny, Too Fat

Macho Vegetarian

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

"I hate this smart refrigerator."

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"