Diagnosis Dilettante T-Shirts

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'House wine?'

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

Macho Vegetarian

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

'Should I buy or sell?'

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

Rusty and Molly's first date was going beautifully until the 'car tyre incident.

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

The singles bar...

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'