Dating Dilettante Gifts

'And then he yells MAN EATER and I say, MAN EATER?! MOI?!!'

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"According to this, it's form an on-line dating service!"

Rusty and Molly's first date was going beautifully until the 'car tyre incident.

'Leylandi! That's a pretty name.'

'We met on a 'blind date'. It was more of a 'bland date' really.'

'I've been playing hard to get for weeks, and he still doesn't show any interest!'

None of my boyfriends are willing to commit

"So how was your date with Smiley?"

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"You're really nice, Richard. I was hoping I could fix you up with my mom."

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"I thought I'd contracted a sexually transmitted disease. It turned out my boyfriend activated the heated seat function on his pickup."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

Garlic Free Zone.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'House wine?'

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"What wine goes well with £5.52p?"

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

'Should I buy or sell?'

The singles bar...

"You know who's a big pain in the a*s? Europe."

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

'How was my date?...It went OK. He paid for dinner, and he floats. I suppose that has to count for something.'

One Way/Two Ways.