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'...'your gifted' son - could you remind me what those gifts were?'

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"I didn't have enough money to buy him a treat at the checkout. He had an economic meltdown."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

"I wouldn't worry, at his age grunting to communicate is quite normal."

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

'We usually have some trouble getting organized the first day of school.'

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

Triplets

"I feel sorry for kids these days - they're always being tested for something"

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

"You're not going out dressed like that!"

"He's at that awkward age when they can try him as an adult."

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

'We should've just dropped off our lists and taken our chances. But no, you had to bring a lawyer into the negotiations.'

'I really don't like breast-feeding, but it's really good therapy for her.'

3 days without an accident.

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight,Jessica dear!'

"It's just a phase he's going through, you'll see."

"Your munchkins are always welcome to play in my garden."

Kid on the way to pricipal's office see a girl in the hall with a stand setup to give legal advice.

'I know school doesn't start for another week, but any chance I could just drop them off now?'

'If you wanted a kid with a good report card, you both should have married someone with brains.'

'We mustn't frighten the new baby...'

'Mom says it's time for a family powwow.'

'Modern women: part nurturer, part healer, part seeker of clues.'