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"Tommy next door just kissed me, Mom...does that mean I'm going to get pregnant too?"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

The relay race

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

"I lost the spelling bee on the word 'gangsta.' "

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

"My mom used to be an excellent housekeeper, but I put a stop to that."

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"...Mom, can you get me a glass of wine?"

"We do all our own parenting."

"If you need help with your homework ask your father...and he'll ask me."

Chewbacca mom and her entire family get full college scholarships.

'Baby escape.'

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

"Work soft, play soft, Son"

'Okay, but if you hadn't made me eat my vegetables, I wouldn't need to brush my teeth!'