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"He's at that awkward age when they can try him as an adult."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

'We usually have some trouble getting organized the first day of school.'

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

Triplets

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

"My parents have decided to homeschool me, but they haven't decided which home."

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

"You're not going out dressed like that!"

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."

Mother Love is Without Logic

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up every hour during the night."

'We should've just dropped off our lists and taken our chances. But no, you had to bring a lawyer into the negotiations.'

'Oh, Sweetie, look, Daddy's fitting a new car seat for baby.'

'I really don't like breast-feeding, but it's really good therapy for her.'

3 days without an accident.

Obstacles for women

"Our son is at that awkward age where he's living in our basement."

"I bought a vending machine off the Internet. Now we don't have to stop for snacks along the way. But, there may be a slight problem getting it into the car."

Cinema Certification, Suitable for kids, but will drive parents to distraction.

"Your munchkins are always welcome to play in my garden."

"It's just a phase he's going through, you'll see."

'I know school doesn't start for another week, but any chance I could just drop them off now?'