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'We should've just dropped off our lists and taken our chances. But no, you had to bring a lawyer into the negotiations.'

'Mom says it's time for a family powwow.'

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

"Your munchkins are always welcome to play in my garden."

'When are you going to teach me about the opposition sex?'

'Instead of splitting things down the middle, why don't you take the dog and you take the kid?'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

"...Mom, can you get me a glass of wine?"

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

Triplets

'We usually have some trouble getting organized the first day of school.'

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

"When you head off to camp, your parents will want to see some separation anxiety."

"Mommy want you to have everything she had when she was growing up."

"Dad's working out car charging points if we want to visit grandad."