Parenting Paradox Navigator T-Shirts

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'Parents are so inconsistent. They spend all day avoiding soil loss and all night promoting it.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

"I couldn't find a sitter."

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

Triplets

'We usually have some trouble getting organized the first day of school.'

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."

"You're not going out dressed like that!"

"I'd let her go, but she's so good with the kids."

"He's at that awkward age when they can try him as an adult."

'We should've just dropped off our lists and taken our chances. But no, you had to bring a lawyer into the negotiations.'

'I really don't like breast-feeding, but it's really good therapy for her.'

'Son, you need to get your priorities wrong.'

"Your munchkins are always welcome to play in my garden."

"It's just a phase he's going through, you'll see."

'I know school doesn't start for another week, but any chance I could just drop them off now?'

'If you wanted a kid with a good report card, you both should have married someone with brains.'

"The baby's nice, but it's not the narcissistic rush I thought it would be."

'Mom says it's time for a family powwow.'