Parenting Challenges Fan Gifts

'You should give her a bigger breakfast - She's just eaten my thermometer!'

Mother and son at the throat doctor

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

Therapy for babies.

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"How do you expect him to grow up to be a pro if he doesn't start young?"

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

Baby in Trunk.

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

"This is my son...I want him to work his way up all the way from the bottom- even if it takes all day."

"Here are all of my dependents."

BABY (arrow pointing to belly) BEER (arrow pointing to belly).

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Oh, don't even think about living life vicariously through me!'

"If you have one child you are a parent but if you have two, you are a referee!"

'And then Mindy had the nerve to call me a 'helicopter mom.' Me? In this wonderful jetpack! As if!'

"At some point we'll sit down and resolve our differences, but for now the plan is to continue exchanging bitchy emails."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: Mother examines baby's faeces

"Okay...seriously...it's nothing to worry about, Dad."

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

"Yes, I checked. No monsters under your bed! Now go to sleep and have horrible nightma...I mean...sweet dreams!"

"Here is your very own doll, so you can see how tiring it is to raise a child."

'Well, my Dad doesn't care how big you are, Mr. Jones. He'll still knock your block off!'

"So your soccer team lost...big deal! I lose things all the time!"

"I am standing up straight."

'There are two concerns I have. your son disturbs the class every day except Friday, and your son always cuts class on Friday.'

And that, son, is why I don't let you play football.

It's nice they can all join in, isn't it? Yes! My kids wiping the floor with your kid!

'How many times do I have to tell you? Go and wash your trunk before dinner!'

"Their names are Sportster and Softail. My husband named them."