Parenting Dynamics Fan Gifts

'Well, my Dad doesn't care how big you are, Mr. Jones. He'll still knock your block off!'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

A child as a pet substitute.

'Shortly you will be running for your life. I wouldn't order dessert.'

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"We need to have a serious talk."

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

"Think about it: Toby's the only ram here, so we have to be half brothers!"

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

'Do you think Mum and Dad are trying to keep an eye on us, by enroling on the same university course as us, Colin?'

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

'We're identical twins, but I'm luckier than he is!'

"Daddy can't help you, son. Daddy's a product of the 'me' generation."

'Must you find fault every time she brings a boyfriend home?'