Modern Family Dynamics Fan Gifts

"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."

"Tweeting again? Knock it off or you're grounded!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

A child as a pet substitute.

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"We need to have a serious talk."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

"Think about it: Toby's the only ram here, so we have to be half brothers!"

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"Daddy can't help you, son. Daddy's a product of the 'me' generation."

'We're identical twins, but I'm luckier than he is!'