Modern Family Dynamic Enthusiast Gifts

'Bored, bored, bored, bored. . .nothing ever seems to change around here. . . Why does everything seem to change so fast around here?!!'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'