Family Dynamic Enthusiast Gifts

"Go ask your mother."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"Never confuse feelings of self-worth with net worth."

'Just wait till it's my turn to make long-term care decisions for you!'

"Yes, we do have the authority to regulate you."

"This happens every time someone wants to speak to the head of the household."

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"I only asked him to tidy his room."

'Ask your other father.'

"For a moment I thought you were my mother in law!"

"Young man! Stop that car this instant and take your father with you to 'take your child to work day'!"

"And Father sends a muted snore"

'George! Did you tell Mother we're in tornado ally?'

Sister of the boy who cried wolf,

'Sorry, no annoying in-laws allowed.'

'Honey, before you marry my son you better read the list of his side effects.'

"As a matter of fact, yes. I do object to you moving in with my daughter... My daughter lives here!"

"Son, I've been asking you for 5 days now to water the Earth! "

"Free medical advice from my cousin's brother in law. What did you die of?"

"He's my cousin once removed - my first cousin whom I had to have evicted once."

"You always seem a lot taller when I'm in trouble."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"No thanks, mom, I'm giving up broccoli for lent. Also lima beans, spinach and cauliflower!"

Bartlett's Expanded Quotations

'I'll see the ones with clean underwear first.'

'Your mother has promised to dance on my grave. Make sure that I'm buried at sea!'

'My goodness, it's cold out there! . . . Could you put my car in your garage so it's still warm when it's time for me to go home, Burl?'

"I'm not angry that your mom butts into our marriage...but I'm angry that she's even right with her babbling!"

"If daddy gets two hours access every weekend,how many hours does he get in a year?"

"Sis and her boyfriend are wrestling on the couch... He's got her pinned, but sis don't seem mad about it!"

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear

"We're still talkng birds and bees, right?"

'I've learned how to wink! Watch-.'

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."