Parenting Dynamics Enthusiast Gifts

Mother, Baby and Family Friends

I like the Jets...I guess

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

I love my family!

Growth Charts

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

Toddler Feeding Solutions

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

Two children play with a pedal bin

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Crying baby

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."