Parental Worshippers Gifts

"My parents are members of a tiny cult that worships me."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Fresh pepper?"

"Lets find another beach, this one has too much competition."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'Straight on, you can't miss it.'

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

Sunblock

'I guess you're not from around here. In this region of the country football is in the religion section.'

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'Medium well, please.'

'I know we came in peace but these ones are already half cooked.'

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

The first attempt at stoning St. Stephen...

"Trust me, the joy of having sand between your toes wears off after a while..."

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

50 Shades of Brown: Tanning Salon

"It's another text from that clown in a Speedo. He says 'Help! My phone's almost dead! Throw me a landline!'"

"Don't make me come over there."

'We'd like somewhere with sand, sun, beaches and skiing.'

'There's nothing to beat a real seaside holiday is there?'

'Okay, Mum said no, but if we can get to Dad before she has time to brief him, we could still turn this into a yes.'

Wrong direction

The worms have a beach day

'We'll need a sun for tanning.'

Too hot to Walkman

'Phone Services - Desperate Selling to Small Businesses'

Life Guard finds Oil.

If Global Warming is a left wing plot...it's a very good one.

"The baptism is Sunday, and not a moment too soon, I might add."

$200,000 to raise a kid in America! Do you regret the expense? Of course not, sweetie! You're worth every cent. That's a relief. Because I need $20 for the movies!

"I've never seen the congregation praying this hard."

"Mayonnaise....maaaayonnaise...."

Nuclear fusion reactor