Parental Worshippers Mugs

"My parents are members of a tiny cult that worships me."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Fresh pepper?"

"Lets find another beach, this one has too much competition."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'Straight on, you can't miss it.'

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

Sunblock

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'Medium well, please.'

'I know we came in peace but these ones are already half cooked.'

"Trust me, the joy of having sand between your toes wears off after a while..."

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'We'd like somewhere with sand, sun, beaches and skiing.'

'There's nothing to beat a real seaside holiday is there?'

50 Shades of Brown: Tanning Salon

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

"It's another text from that clown in a Speedo. He says 'Help! My phone's almost dead! Throw me a landline!'"

"Don't make me come over there."

'Okay, Mum said no, but if we can get to Dad before she has time to brief him, we could still turn this into a yes.'

The worms have a beach day

Wrong direction

Life Guard finds Oil.

Too hot to Walkman

'We'll need a sun for tanning.'

'Phone Services - Desperate Selling to Small Businesses'

If Global Warming is a left wing plot...it's a very good one.

"I've never seen the congregation praying this hard."

"Mayonnaise....maaaayonnaise...."

Nuclear fusion reactor

"The baptism is Sunday, and not a moment too soon, I might add."

"I don't have a story, Tommy. I can offer a retrospective of your day, followed by a deep-dive to identify opportunities for improvement."