Parental Protector Gifts

"My mom was cold."

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."

"I don't want you swimming in the ocean -- it's a toilet that hasn't been flushed in 4 billion years."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

First Steps

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

'Honey...you're spoiling that child.'

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

Dating The Daughter Of A Hockey Goalie

License, registration, and some I.D. for the small child watching what appears to be a completely inappropriate PG-13 movie in the back.

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

"I never got the chance to be homesick. You tweeted about me 20 times a day."

"We can't wake her, she's sleepwalking."

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

"No - wait, I haven't read them all yet..."

Bad Grammar, But Good Pluck.

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

Please examine your children's tv before they watch it as mistakes can not afterwards be rectified

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

'I'm his MOTHER. I KNOW he was safe!'

Be sure to tell us if the school tries cyberspying again. Ok, mom. It's wrong to snap webcam pics of students. Uh-huh. They shouldn't use computers that way! Besides, it's a waste of time. They could just check the kid's facebook page, What were they thinking?

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

"Lawsuits must really be getting out of hand."

I'm teaching my kid how to stay safe online.

"Daddy's still up - I can see him loading his shotgun."

"I just decided what my daughter is going to wear to this year's prom."