Parental Protector Pillows

"My mom was cold."

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."

"I don't want you swimming in the ocean -- it's a toilet that hasn't been flushed in 4 billion years."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

First Steps

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

'Honey...you're spoiling that child.'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

"I never got the chance to be homesick. You tweeted about me 20 times a day."

"We can't wake her, she's sleepwalking."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

Bad Grammar, But Good Pluck.

"No - wait, I haven't read them all yet..."

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

Please examine your children's tv before they watch it as mistakes can not afterwards be rectified

"I just decided what my daughter is going to wear to this year's prom."

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

Family wearing shin guards to protect against the kid in a play car.

"Daddy's still up - I can see him loading his shotgun."

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'I'm his MOTHER. I KNOW he was safe!'

"Lawsuits must really be getting out of hand."

I'm teaching my kid how to stay safe online.

Bring my daughter back at 11 sharp or...

'Nobody kicks sand in Henry's face!'