Protective Parenting Gifts

Keep away from our Doreen.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

First Steps

'Honey...you're spoiling that child.'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

Dating The Daughter Of A Hockey Goalie

License, registration, and some I.D. for the small child watching what appears to be a completely inappropriate PG-13 movie in the back.

"I never got the chance to be homesick. You tweeted about me 20 times a day."

"No - wait, I haven't read them all yet..."

Hiding behind dad.

"I don't want you swimming in the ocean -- it's a toilet that hasn't been flushed in 4 billion years."

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

Bad Grammar, But Good Pluck.

Family wearing shin guards to protect against the kid in a play car.

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

'I'm his MOTHER. I KNOW he was safe!'

I'm teaching my kid how to stay safe online.

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

"Lawsuits must really be getting out of hand."

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."

"I just decided what my daughter is going to wear to this year's prom."

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

'Nobody kicks sand in Henry's face!'

Bring my daughter back at 11 sharp or...

Safety is about FAMILY!...

"I'm sorry your son Billy ran away, but there's not much we can do being that he's thirty-four."

"Grumble all you want, but if you're not wearing your PPE, I won't let you use tools!"

'Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty, but we sure wouldn't let our daughters go out with him!'

They moved the bus stop further away. Ok. Where is it? "OK"?! They expect me to let my little babies walk 3 whole blocks! Umm