Protective Parenting Gifts

Keep away from our Doreen.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"

First Steps

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

'Honey...you're spoiling that child.'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

"I never got the chance to be homesick. You tweeted about me 20 times a day."

Hiding behind dad.

"I don't want you swimming in the ocean -- it's a toilet that hasn't been flushed in 4 billion years."

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

"No - wait, I haven't read them all yet..."

Bad Grammar, But Good Pluck.

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."

"I just decided what my daughter is going to wear to this year's prom."

'I'm his MOTHER. I KNOW he was safe!'

"Lawsuits must really be getting out of hand."

I'm teaching my kid how to stay safe online.

Family wearing shin guards to protect against the kid in a play car.

'Nobody kicks sand in Henry's face!'

"Grumble all you want, but if you're not wearing your PPE, I won't let you use tools!"

"I'm sorry your son Billy ran away, but there's not much we can do being that he's thirty-four."

Safety is about FAMILY!...

Bring my daughter back at 11 sharp or...

"So long, Ma, I'm riding off into the sunset."

'Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty, but we sure wouldn't let our daughters go out with him!'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'