Parental Patience Pros Pillows

"It's just a phase."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"That is one absorbent nappy."

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"Ah...here they are!"

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

The modern generation!

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

World's Best Dad. I don't know. I thought they were with you. World's Best Mom.

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

Toilet Training

'Hi, honey?we're home!'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'Excuse me mom, I've got to take a call.'

Toy Store/Battery Store

"Going to the beach with kids Sand in eyes, food, crevices Chasing after them with sun cream Frantically checking they haven't been kidnapped or swept out to sea Enjoying it"

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"