Parental Patience Guru Pillows

'I'll write this off as part of a phase you're going through, on this occasion...'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'What's play?'

"Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?"

"Is there a vegan option?"

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

"Don't worry, darling. You'll happen."

"Migration? I love chasing the endless summer, but travelling such distances with kids is exhausting..."

Playing Mozart to the baby.

"Are we done yet? ... Because I'm turning around now."

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

Test your patience, back in one hour.

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

The AdRams Family no.13 - Exams

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'The best way to teach my son is by example, you know: Monkey see, monkey do...'

"Do you ever get the feeling that maybe the baby is listening to us?"

Gangs of New York

"No. I've never had any problems with my kids not paying attention to me."

A Boy and His Mother

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"Go ask your search engine."

'Excuse me mom, I've got to take a call.'

Child development. How children change.

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."