Parental Patience Champion Pillows

"I'm too old for baby limas."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Why did the chicken cross the road?'

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

Fishing.

Mother pushes twins on a double-decker swing.

The First Day Back

Fathers are Heroes

'Excuse me mom, I've got to take a call.'

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

'He's got his shoes on the wrong feet again.'

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

"Honey, your head's through the armhole again."

Father's Day

'I came untucked.'

'What I like most about my mom is that she always supersizes her hugs.'

"I've had it with the nineties!"

Driver being taught by impatient parent

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

"As a child, Timothy would often test his mother’s patience."

MOMumental Achievements.

"Before this goes any farther, you should know that I have kids, and I'm old, and I live in a shoe."

Are you calling 911?!

"Yea, mom, knows everything...she's momnipotent."

Zipper complimenting zip child: "Ah, she's a cute as a button!"

"I don't care if this is the kid cave, Robert. Pick up your stuff."

'You know what? I agree with my son's opinion of you.'

"It's just a phase."

'School's out... the adventure begins!'

'I asked them to behave like adults, and they ranted, they raved, and they cussed a blue streak!'