Parental Guidance Humorist Gifts

"I'm just looking for something to take the edge off before I give the kids the 'Don't Do Drugs' talk."

"Berne maintained that we are livign our lives according to a life plan written by a three year old.

"Son, I'm going to talk to you about the facts of life, with spoilers."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

Trick or Tweet

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Have you seen my dad?"

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."