Parent's Little Thinker Gifts

'Hey look, the shiny thing is shining... just like yesterday... and last week... man I wish they'd put a tv in here.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

Children in fancy dress on the way to music lessons

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'Dad, what is peace?'

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'My kids don't understand me.'

'If you get educational toys, do you still have to go to school?'

"Look Daddy, at least the poor economy hasn't affected the Tooth Fairy yet!"

'He was raised by sparrows!'

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

'Looks like Timmy got solitary.'

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

"What's it like to be the parent of a nonhuman?"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

Ingredients: me

Baby Philosophy.

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

"Mom, there's a monster under my bed. Can we keep it?"

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

"Don't get too attached, everything you cherish will disappear the moment you look away. Nothing you love is permanent."

"Does school choice include whether he gets a tenured teacher?"

"What a day. I played tag, a yucky girl kissed me, and I got the school's computers back online."

'Good morning, Dad, It's your turn to be the cowboys!'