Paranoia Punster Pillows

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

Psychologist Birthdays

Math Jokes

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

'I think therefore I ham.'

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

"Can you give me some sort of metaphor for how you're feeling?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Claude

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

'I've been experiencing a lot of deja moo.'

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

'I can't remember why I came here either.'

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

Optometrist practical jokes

Psychiatry. Your disorientation is number 2248 in my psychiatry manual. You mean my daze is numbered?