Prophecy Punster Pillows

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

'I think therefore I ham.'

'This is what I mean about inadequate interagency cooperation.'

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Our flag means debt."

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

Optometrist practical jokes

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

Baby Grand Larceny

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

Ghost appears to be struggling within sheet. Fellow ghost says: 'I warned you never to use fitted sheets.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'Well it was fine on the straight but when it hit the last curve the cartoonist lost his perspective!'

My Day - Cow Today Magazine

'Yes, you have to say a prayer of thanks for the shrimp. Just a little one.'

"I'm not surprised you're getting fat, Eve, it's all those apples you've been eating."

"I regret believing in reincarnation."

'If you insist on laughing please use the humour section.'