Perspective Punster Pillows

'Well it was fine on the straight but when it hit the last curve the cartoonist lost his perspective!'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Hamlet.

'I think therefore I ham.'

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

Optometrist practical jokes

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

Closed. He was unable to complete the elevator repair today -- Further steps will need to be taken.

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

Surfin' the web.

Mobile Holmes.

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

"Of course, 'today seems to be dragging more than usual'. You came in on time, for once!"

'I have a rasp in my throat.'