Perspective Punster Pillows

'Well it was fine on the straight but when it hit the last curve the cartoonist lost his perspective!'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'I think therefore I ham.'

Hamlet.

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

Optometrist practical jokes

Surfin' the web.

Henry Grumble, an editor to the bitter end.

"Of course, 'today seems to be dragging more than usual'. You came in on time, for once!"

'I have a rasp in my throat.'